Hi, its crazy to me to look back at the relationships I chose, the ones that got away and the ones I meddled in. When you are in a good relationship you won't know everything, but you will know the following:
1. YOU CANNOT AVOID MISUNDERSTANDINGS
They are going to happen. You will actually hear your partner say one thing, interpret it and then in fact learn that they meant something completely different. Don't punish them for the miscommunications, don't let it fester and definitely don't put it in your pocket for a rainy day. Understand just because you think 6+3=9 doesn't mean that 4+5=9. People have different ways of thinking, just roll with it. Misunderstandings can only become problems because you let them grow bigger and mean more. In the scope of things they are so minor most of the time in such a larger scaled network sort of say.
2. TAKE THE TIME TO LEARN TO TRUST
In everyone's best interest, learn to trust your partner. Yes, maybe you have been hurt before and you have your walls up and we all have our "past issues" that seem to roll around in our present. Why would you want to share your life with someone you cannot trust?? If you cannot trust your partner to be faithful, honest and to have your best interest in mind, you already have your answer. That's not a great foundation to build something beautiful on. If you are like me, trust is to be built and established, but by creating a relationship slowly you will open up at a much better pace when the hurdles of a relationship go by. In the long run, when small things happen its going to be "trust" that will keep you together.
3. MISS EACHOTHER
You find yourself fully in love, you want to be together all the time... cuddling all night, craving each other, spending your days with new adventures, who wouldn't want to spend all their free time, every waking and sleeping hour with this feeling. Try to avoid this if possible, see your friends and family often. It often serves as a refresh button. You have new things to talk about, new experiences and a new excitement for each other. You have a chance to miss each other and it helps you truly understand the vale of your relationship.
4. ENCOURAGE GROWTH
In a healthy relationship, both partners are encouraged to grow and even change too. You have only one life to live, and what you wanted at 20 might change at 30 and so on. You will want to roll with the changes. If you want to find something new in your life, or regress to something old, the best support you can attain will be that of your partners. And this support should be returned to your partner as well. Encourage the growth, support the newfound love of a new hobby, help them adjust to new career changes.... without this backing your partner is likely to fail and therefor resent you for it.
5. COMPROMISE
When you love someone, compromising doesn't mean you are weak, or that you are giving in, or even that you are losing the fight it simply means the opposite. It means you care enough about that person enough to meet them in the middle. Its really hard because sometimes its really important to you to get your way, this is so important to you. But I say take a step back, look at it from a view of the Devil's advocate sort of way, how do they feel? How do I feel? What's the logical conclusion to this? Modify the situation to where it fits best for the both of you. Example: a friend doesn't want her boyfriend at the bar without her... showing a little bit of insecurity and maybe some trust issues (uh-oh not a good foundation as mentioned before), well he continues to go. He's not doing anything wrong, a few beers after work here and there. But its not okay with this friend. They need to find a good compromise or it will continue to be a burden on their relationship.
6. BE WEAK
It's okay to be weak, your partner shouldn't expect you to be perfect and vice versa. Its okay to let your weaknesses and flaws show. If your partner is aware of these flaws they will be more sensitive to things that bother you and hopefully will build you p in the areas where you need some help.
7. ACCEPT
People do have baggage, in our age especially. We have been hurt, we have more than likely been in love and possibly more than once. We have kids, which means we have constant dealings with a split family and exes. We have small petting zoos, we more than likely have at least one pain in the ass pet that came with us, that we just love to death that our partner will never bond with. Some of these things are best to realize we cant fix it, we cant change it, we can only accept it. The more things you stop fighting, because they are inevitable, and just roll with ... the happier you will be in your relationship.
8. FORGIVE
If you are truly going to forgive someone for something do it. Don't drag it around and around later on the road. Yes, you will never forget what happened, sure it hurt you to so many shades of hurt.... but if you agree to get passed it, because that's a decision you made, then get passed it. Forgive your partner, forgive yourself ... if you don't you will end up resenting each other in ways that will crush your relationship.
9. NEVER EXPECT
This would be my most challenging rule. Don't expect your partner to read your mind, don't expect them to take you out on these dream dates, bring you breakfast in bed, rent chick flicks, bring you flowers or anything in between all of that. You can communicate your happiness when one or more of these things are done for you, the positive reinforcement is more than likely to land another treat in your relationship, but never ever expect that it will. In every day realities of life, just show or tell your partner what you want out of the relationship, again don't expect them to know, this will help them consider your feelings, and hopefully try to accommodate them
10. SHOW LOVE
This may be the hardest one for so many people... showing love. Don't play head games to find out if someone loves you, or is into you. Whether you are happy with them or mad at them, make sure they always know they are loved, even in the worst of times. People need to feel loved.
